Okay, I'm about to be very opinionated and honest... When I was little, I was bullied by a peer. He called me trailer-trash, was constantly telling me that I was a spoiled brat, once called me a myriad of horrible names, and once pushed me out of a friends' van and onto gravel because he wanted in. This continued in varying forms from age six until around twelve or thirteen. I have very low self-esteem and next to no confidence. I, of course, don't blame this entirely on that boy, but I do believe that it played a strong hand. Girls at point in their lives are especially vulnerable. It is at that time that our self-confidence is formed and decided. Girls, during those years, are especially fragile, as any mother of a girl can tell you. Every critique and ridicule, every praise and encouraging word stick in your brain. When you are told so often by a peer that you are below them, or that you're ugly, or not worth their time, you start to believe it. I think the fact that I still remember all of his insults so many years later should show the impact that they had on me.
My parents tried their hardest to keep me built up during those years, but you know how it is when you're a kid. Your parents telling you how wonderful you are means very little when compared to a peer spending the same amount of time telling you the opposite. The parents of this boy told my mom that I needed to grow I thicker skin. They didn't seem to care that their son's words brought me to tears many a time, tears that I desperately tried to hide from him so as to not have more insults thrown my way. I honestly still have a little trouble with that thought. I should not have had to grow a thicker skin at six years of age! I think that it is ridiculous, for two reasons, to tell a young girl that she is just too sensitive. One reason is that in saying that she is too sensitive, you've just given her another thing that is wrong about her. The second reason is that it makes it seem like it's okay to tear others down, because if you should be okay with it then they should, too! Does that not sound ridiculous? We should be filling young girls so full of how amazing, smart, and beautiful they are, that there is no room for the thoughts that tell them that they are ugly, dumb, or not special. We should NOT be sending them out on their own just telling them to have a thick skin!
I've been told recently that a young girl in my church who is very close to my heart is having to face bullies at her school at only eight years old. This both breaks my heart and fills me with memories. This girl is stunningly beautiful, incredibly smart, loves Jesus and others with all of her heart, is an amazing older sister, has one of the sweetest singing voices ever, is compassionate, loves to laugh, and is just an all around amazing girl. This girl is being made to feel like she is not even worth talking to. Girls in her class pretend she's invisible or insult her... It kills me that this amazing girl is losing all of her confidence because of girls that won't even give her a chance. I hate that she isn't seeing how amazing and loved she is! I hate seeing parts of myself in this girl because quite honestly, I don't want her to turn out like me. I don't want any of the girls that I get a chance to minister to to turn out like me. I want them have confidence and be aware of the beauty inside(and outside!) of them! I never want them to feel alone in this life. I want them to be brave and ambitious, never backing away from an opportunity just because it might be challenging. I want them to be so much stronger than I am.
I take bullying very seriously because I know how it feels. I want to do everything in my power to keep girls from feeling like I did. I want them to know that even though it hurts and it's hard, it does get better. It never really stops, because this world is cruel, but it's all about how you face it. I want them to see that if you face the cruelty with God's love and His strength, instead of on your own, it doesn't hurt you as much. I want them to know that what people think of them doesn't matter, because God's love covers all of their hate and more. I want to show them that they'll make it through. Not by being "thick-skinned", but by being humble enough to love through the hate, strong enough to pray through the insults, and graceful enough to forgive when it's over. I want them to prove to the world that the underdogs go on to do great things when they depend on God. I want them to show those that bullied them that they weren't defeated by insults. I want them to know that silence in the face of an insult isn't weakness, but strength. It's easy to snap back when you're angry, but so hard to be patient and silent. Most of all, though, I want them to know that the words aren't true. That nothing those bullies tell them reflects who they really are. Because they are more beautiful than those bullies could ever realize. Not for having a thick skin, but an unshakable faith.
P.S. If you don't usually check the other pages, please check out the song of the day. It goes along really well.
My parents tried their hardest to keep me built up during those years, but you know how it is when you're a kid. Your parents telling you how wonderful you are means very little when compared to a peer spending the same amount of time telling you the opposite. The parents of this boy told my mom that I needed to grow I thicker skin. They didn't seem to care that their son's words brought me to tears many a time, tears that I desperately tried to hide from him so as to not have more insults thrown my way. I honestly still have a little trouble with that thought. I should not have had to grow a thicker skin at six years of age! I think that it is ridiculous, for two reasons, to tell a young girl that she is just too sensitive. One reason is that in saying that she is too sensitive, you've just given her another thing that is wrong about her. The second reason is that it makes it seem like it's okay to tear others down, because if you should be okay with it then they should, too! Does that not sound ridiculous? We should be filling young girls so full of how amazing, smart, and beautiful they are, that there is no room for the thoughts that tell them that they are ugly, dumb, or not special. We should NOT be sending them out on their own just telling them to have a thick skin!
I've been told recently that a young girl in my church who is very close to my heart is having to face bullies at her school at only eight years old. This both breaks my heart and fills me with memories. This girl is stunningly beautiful, incredibly smart, loves Jesus and others with all of her heart, is an amazing older sister, has one of the sweetest singing voices ever, is compassionate, loves to laugh, and is just an all around amazing girl. This girl is being made to feel like she is not even worth talking to. Girls in her class pretend she's invisible or insult her... It kills me that this amazing girl is losing all of her confidence because of girls that won't even give her a chance. I hate that she isn't seeing how amazing and loved she is! I hate seeing parts of myself in this girl because quite honestly, I don't want her to turn out like me. I don't want any of the girls that I get a chance to minister to to turn out like me. I want them have confidence and be aware of the beauty inside(and outside!) of them! I never want them to feel alone in this life. I want them to be brave and ambitious, never backing away from an opportunity just because it might be challenging. I want them to be so much stronger than I am.
I take bullying very seriously because I know how it feels. I want to do everything in my power to keep girls from feeling like I did. I want them to know that even though it hurts and it's hard, it does get better. It never really stops, because this world is cruel, but it's all about how you face it. I want them to see that if you face the cruelty with God's love and His strength, instead of on your own, it doesn't hurt you as much. I want them to know that what people think of them doesn't matter, because God's love covers all of their hate and more. I want to show them that they'll make it through. Not by being "thick-skinned", but by being humble enough to love through the hate, strong enough to pray through the insults, and graceful enough to forgive when it's over. I want them to prove to the world that the underdogs go on to do great things when they depend on God. I want them to show those that bullied them that they weren't defeated by insults. I want them to know that silence in the face of an insult isn't weakness, but strength. It's easy to snap back when you're angry, but so hard to be patient and silent. Most of all, though, I want them to know that the words aren't true. That nothing those bullies tell them reflects who they really are. Because they are more beautiful than those bullies could ever realize. Not for having a thick skin, but an unshakable faith.
P.S. If you don't usually check the other pages, please check out the song of the day. It goes along really well.
It breaks my heart to hear you say you don't want the younger girls to be like you...my prayer for my daughter is that she is like you! So full of grace and faith! The feelings of self doubt you have drive others to habits and ways of life that are dark and lonely...you haven't given into that because of your faith!
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess I mean by that that I want them never to have to get to that point. I don't want them to have the self doubt that I have, because it's a massive struggle. I want them to be stronger than I am. =)
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