Life has been pretty demanding lately. My emotions have gone pretty numb lately because I know if I feed into them, I'll hit a dead stop, which I refuse to let happen. I had a pretty rough ending to this past weekend. It had actually been going pretty well, I had a series of photoshoots in Richmond. I got to see some friends and family, and had a good time while there. On the down side, that "rough time" mentioned in my last post got even rougher. I don't want to go into details, but basically, I was left feeling like a white crayon. If you have no idea what that means, how many times have you used the white crayon while coloring? I mean, why on earth did they even make a white crayon?
You know, being the white crayon is embarrassing. It makes you wonder how many people are watching you and wondering why no one seems to want to talk to you. Standing in the middle of a crowd of people, not knowing where to look so that you look slightly less awkward than you feel. You know you don't want to look at the people that you know because it's slightly weird to stare at people you know that are ignoring you, so of course you should ignore them as well. Why throw off that balance? So you end up nervously flitting your eyes from random strangers, then to the ceiling, and then down to your shoes, wondering exactly how idiotic and misplaced you look and trying not to break down into tears because of the simple fact that you're being so ignored at all. It's a very frustrating feeling.
I don't want to feel like a white crayon anymore. I don't want to hang around people that don't make me feel special. I want to surround myself with people that see me as more than a backup. People that need me as much as I need them. I'm done feeling pointlessly white. I'm lime green.
You know, being the white crayon is embarrassing. It makes you wonder how many people are watching you and wondering why no one seems to want to talk to you. Standing in the middle of a crowd of people, not knowing where to look so that you look slightly less awkward than you feel. You know you don't want to look at the people that you know because it's slightly weird to stare at people you know that are ignoring you, so of course you should ignore them as well. Why throw off that balance? So you end up nervously flitting your eyes from random strangers, then to the ceiling, and then down to your shoes, wondering exactly how idiotic and misplaced you look and trying not to break down into tears because of the simple fact that you're being so ignored at all. It's a very frustrating feeling.
I don't want to feel like a white crayon anymore. I don't want to hang around people that don't make me feel special. I want to surround myself with people that see me as more than a backup. People that need me as much as I need them. I'm done feeling pointlessly white. I'm lime green.
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