I have felt led lately to share my testimony here on the blog. I have struggled a lot with the thought of "My testimony is boring.". I was thinking today, though, about how stupid that thought is. Every testimony is exciting, because it tells of the saving of a life! God took me- The wretched, worthless, unappreciative being that I am- and He saved me. Every testimony shows the many events and circumstances that God uses to bring us to Him. My life was saved through God's grace, and that IS exciting! I was dead, now I'm alive. I was lost, and He found me. Sharing with others how God SAVED OUR LIVES is never boring! It's beautiful, and it may be exactly what someone needs to hear. I've never really shared my testimony before, so here it goes...
I come from a family of Christians. I was brought up going to church on Sunday mornings, Sunday nights, and Wednesdays. My mom did daily devotions with my brother and me. I knew all of the stories, knew all of the answers, and memorized Bible verses for AWANA. I have always believed in God, always believed that Jesus died for my sins, and that He rose from the dead. I never questioned that those things were true. I was saved at the age of five, baptized at the age of eight, and I started doing my own devotions during the week at around ten, but it was never regular. I would go from doing it every day for a week to not doing it for two months, feeling guilty, and starting the trend over again, and that trend continued for a long time. Like I said, I always believed in God, but I never feared Him. I knew what the Bible said, but I didn't comprehend it. I loved God, but I didn't spend time talking to Him.
When I was twelve, I became very invested in my friendships. They kind of took over my life. I would spend at least an hour on the phone with my best friend almost every night. Honestly, as ashamed as I am of it, my friendships began to replace the time that should have gone to God. When I was excited about something, I would tell my friends. When I was upset about something, I would tell my friends. When I was bored, I would talk to my friends. When I wasn't with my friends, I was thinking about any drama that one of us might be having. I was very emotionally dependent on my best friend. I was very quick to put all of my trust in my friends, and that ended up bringing me down. God really took a backseat in my life at that point. I still did little devotions randomly, but honestly it was to keep myself from feeling guilty, rather than because I wanted to do it. I did it because I knew I was supposed to. Strangely, horrifyingly, I was happy. God knew I was in need of a rude awakening, it was the only thing that would have snapped me out of it.
At about thirteen, my best friend and I had a falling out. I won't go into it, but it was a very long, detailed, and painful process. The drama from that falling out spread to other friendships, and I spent so many nights, the only one awake, just bawling my eyes out. I felt like my life was just falling apart. I felt so alone. I had let myself become more dependent on people than I was on God, and I'll regret that forever. People will always fail us, that's what people do. I think God took those friendships from me to teach me that He is the only One that I can truly put all of my trust in. That He is the only one who will always be there for me. Friends WILL NOT always be there! I wish I had understood that! I had been told over and over than friends were temporary, but I just couldn't see it happening to my best friend and I. I though we would actually be best friends forever. I'm not sure exactly when during that year, but I rededicated my life to Him and I haven't looked back. He is my rock and the only thing that keeps me going!
I'm so thankful that God turned my life upside down that year. I'm thankful that He taught me the lessons that He did. I'm thankful that He broke me down. I'm thankful that He let me get hurt. If he hadn't let me get hurt, I wouldn't be who I am today. I believe that sometimes, God has to take drastic measures in our lives to soften our hearts to Him. He took what was most important to me, because it was taking His place. He did what He needed to do to make me realize my need for Him. He broke me apart so that I could see that He was the only way that I could be whole. He knocked me down so that I could see that I couldn't get up by myself.
That year and the next made me who I am. During those years, I learned how to forgive. I learned how to be joyful in times of trouble. I learned how to hide my emotions, because emotions can mess things up very easily. I learned what it means to have peace. I learned what kind of person I don't want to be. I learned that things always get better. I learned that God is the only one that will be by my side forever, through everything. I learned that sometimes, God sends people our way that bless our lives, and that those people are like little extensions of Himself and they remind us that we're never alone. I learned that trust has to be earned. I learned how to be strong. I learned how to be happy in all circumstances. Most of all, though, I learned that He is really all that matters, and that I want to spend my life shining His light in this dark world. I want to be an example to those around me that with Him, we can do anything we set our minds to.
I don't regret the trial that I went through, because I know that I am better because of it. I see my trial as proof that sometimes God has to break us to make us who we're meant to be. Our trials mold us into who we need to be for the jobs that God has planned for us.
"Sometimes God brings us to rock bottom so that we can learn that He is the rock at the bottom." ~Unknown
"Never be afraid of falling apart. When we fall apart, we are given the opportunity to build ourselves back up the way we wish we always had been." ~Unknown
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~James 1:2-4
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