To Die is Gain

      Last night at 7:30, the world lost one of the most amazing, gentle, caring, patient, God-honoring, loving, and funniest men to ever have existed. Last night at 7:30, heaven gained that man and greeted him with singing and dancing. In his last hours and minutes, his family surrounded him and sang his favorite hymns as he slept. We all watched his heavy breathing, prayed to ourselves, and held on to each other. The room was full of a peaceful kind of sadness, and the knowledge that this was just "See you later.".

      As I sat at that table, watching my young cousins sing praises to their God while something that is so heartbreaking unfolded before their eyes, I was just thankful. I was thankful for being so blessed as to be in that room at that moment. I was thankful that God has given me the family that He has. I was thankful for my Pappy and the life that he built with my Granny. I was thankful for his faith, and for his faith being spread to his sons and grandchildren. I was thankful for his example as a man of God, showing me by his actions what I should look for in my future husband. I was thankful for eighteen years of memories that contain this amazing man as my grandfather. I was thankful that he was not in pain, and soon would be dancing, laughing, and cracking jokes again. I was thankful for my Granny and the love that the two of them shared. I was thankful that as our tears fell, he was reaching that place where he will never cry again. I was thankful that as we stood there holding each other, all of his pain was taken away, and he was in the arms of his Savior. Just like my Granny said as she said her goodbyes, I am thankful for the family that has come from my Pappy. I love each and every one of them so dearly. As thankful as I was and am, I am also sad.

      I am sad because my youngest cousins will only get to hear stories about how my Pappy used to be. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that we have stories to tell them a pictures to show them. I am also thankful that for a little while, they did know him. They got to hear his Donald Duck impression and watch him do his random little dance moves. The fact doesn't change, though, that it isn't the same. For them, our telling them about his life will be like a friend going to see some beautiful place in person. As much as you wanted to go see that place, because you've heard about it all of your life, the only thing you are going to get is to hear your friend tell you about it. Sure, you are thankful that you get to know a little bit about it, but you will always wish you could have witnessed it yourself. 

      Although I wish my cousins could have gotten to know Pappy better, we are given the time that God gives us, and no more. We have to make every minute worthwhile, because any moment could be our last one here on earth. Pappy was given seventy-six years on this earth; he was given forty-four years as a husband, forty-two as a father, and twenty-one as a grandfather. None of those years were wasted by him. Even as his disease progressed and he slowly forgot his life, there were two things this man always had in his heart: his love for God, and his love for his wife. Even in his last few months, between times of anger, Pappy would pray to the Almighty and thank Him for the family he was given. Psalm 119:11 says: "I have hidden Your word in my heart, that I might not sin against You." Pappy lived this verse out until the end. Even after he forgot who his grandchildren and children were, he would pray and sing hymns about his Savior. He would even witness to his family, not knowing we all know that great Truth he would tell us about. He was so in love with Jesus during his life, that while the rest of his mind was leaving, his faith remained. I am so thankful that I got to grow up watching Pappy's massive and unwavering love for God, even in times of trouble.

      When I think of my Pappy, the things I think of most are music, love, and laughter. Pappy loved his family calmly but fiercely. Not just us, but all people. He showed the love of Christ to everyone he met. He was one of those treasured people that possessed the great gift of making anyone and everyone feel comfortable around him. He was always smiling, dancing, laughing, rhyming, or cracking a joke. He was famous for being a clown, but he knew when to put on a serious face and be encouraging and supportive. He was always genuinely interested in the lives of others. When he asked a question, he wasn't just making small talk; he wanted to learn about you, and that was important. Pappy had a beautiful voice and loved using it to praise his King. To this day, one of my favorite things to think about is his voice. Whether he was singing me to sleep at night, taking part in worship at church, or just singing to pass the time, it was and is one of the most calming things I can think of. 

      As I prepare to move on in my life without this man as a part of it, I am both happy and sad. I am honored to be his granddaughter. I am thankful for the knowledge that I will see him again soon. Even more, I am thankful that when I see him, he will no longer be broken. He will no longer have to ask who I am. He will no longer be hurting or confused. He will be perfect. He will be brand new, he will have his mind back. I look forward to that day, and I know that it is coming soon. Until then, I want to live my life like Pappy lived his: filled and overflowing with love, laughter, joy, and JESUS.  

"Then I heard a voice from heaven say, 'Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.' 'Yes,' says the Spirit, 'they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them.'"

~Revelation 14:13

"We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord."

~2 Corinthians 5:8

"If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord."

~Romans 14:8