Nothing Nice to Say

​I have been thinking a lot lately about the way that I use my words. Do I control my speech, or do I let my emotions take the reins? Do anger, lies, or gossip find their way into my conversations? Do I actively seek to build up people around me? We search for ways to justify ourselves when we use our words to hurt someone else or join in on the gossip around us. We push our hurtful words off, saying that if we hadn’t been treated in a certain way we wouldn’t have said what we did. We wanted to fit in, that’s the only reason we joined in on the gossip that day.The way I see it, if I feel the need to justify something I said, maybe I should not have said it. None of my excuses are good enough. 

Our words have power that we easily ignore. We fail to consider that with a single word we can ruin someone’s day or take it from sadness to joy. We have a choice every day, every hour, and every minute to think about what is coming out of our mouths. We have a choice to build someone up or to tear them down. When everyone in a room is tearing down someone who is not present, will you join in, stay quiet, chuckle but not say anything, or will you speak up and ask them to reconsider their discussion? When you hear someone being made fun of for any reason, will you defend them? What about if the discussion is about a stranger? Should we let them be discussed harshly just because we do not know them and they will never know about the conversation? Do we speak just to be heard, or is there positive purpose behind our words? We are presented with these make or break moments every day and we will not always make the right decision. 

James 1:26 puts the idea of watching what we say on an entirely different playing field by saying, “Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless”. We see repeatedly in verses like 1 Peter 3:10, Colossians 4:6, Proverbs 10:19, 15:4, 15:28 (I will post these at the end of the post for those who care to read them), and so many others this instruction to pay close attention to the words we say. James 1:26 puts it so bluntly, allowing us to see that our faith and witness are truly hinged on our obedience when it comes to taming our tongues. Even if the knowledge that we can causesomeone else pain with our words is not enough, James 1:26 and many other verses should force us to open our eyes to the severity of this issue within the Church. 

God gave me a unique opportunity when I started at my new job to make it my mission to stay out of gossip. I have had the chance to actively work on carefully choosing what conversations I take part in and which I choose to stay out of. I desire more and more to not only avoid saying hurtful or negative things and to go a step further and look for something uplifting to say. I have begun to take that childhood rule of “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” very seriously. I don’t want people to speak poorly of me, so what gives me the right to speak poorly about anyone else? If people were speaking poorly of me, I would hope that someone would stand up for me if I could not stand up for myself, therefore I want to be that person for others. 

I know that venting about our frustrations can be healing, but we must be so careful about who we vent to. Even if we are venting our frustrations to a specific person so that we can move on from them or to try to communicate why we are in a bad mood, we can still go too far. We still find ourselves digging in and tearing down people far past what is actually frustrating us. We choose to attack things that they cannot help or that just aren’t relevant simply so that we can heap on more negativity.  We like to rationalize our anger or frustration by piling up everything someone may have ever done to us so that we do not feel guilty. We should feel guilty. The idea that we can justify speaking about another God-breathed human being in a way that brings them down instead of lifting them up, we should feel guilty. When we step past sharing absolute facts out of necessity for communication so that someone else knows why we may be in a sour mood, we go too far. 

I know that I am going to slip up as I try to navigate life while holding my tongue. I know I will try to pretend that it is okay when I go too far in complaining about someone. I know that I need to surround myself with people who desire to speak with the grace, mercy, patience, and gentleness that Chris has bestowed us. I know that I will keep trying to tame my tongue because I truly desire to lift others up even if their behavior is not what I believe it should be. 

Other verses mentioned:

1 Peter 3:10 – The one who desires life, to love and see good days, must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.

Colossians 4:6 – Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.

Proverbs 10:19 – When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

Proverbs 15:4, 28 – A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.